Becoming pregnant is a different journey for everyone, and for those experiencing fertility issues or difficulty conceiving, the whole ordeal can be emotionally draining for reasons other than hormone injections — like people’s opinions and unsolicited advice. A woman who had been trying to get pregnant with her husband for three years, and ultimately decided to stop trying after experiencing a miscarriage, expressed her frustration with her sister-in-law’s callous comments on Reddit’s infamous “Am I The A**h***” subreddit.
“My husband (H40) and I have been trying to get pregnant ever since we got married. We had no luck for 3 years of trying to conceive so we went to a doctor and found out that one of has has a problem. (Allow me to not go into detail). Because of this we tried IVF but [were] unsuccessful after 3 tries. We finally got pregnant last year but I miscarried. So, flomax or finasteride we made the hard decision of giving up and accepted that we aren’t meant to become parents,” explained the OP, who made an account just to post this story.
The OP just turned 40 and had a birthday party with family and friends, including her mother-in-law, father-in-law, and her sister-in-law. “My MIL asked how’s the IVF going and I told her that H and I are no longer trying. Given everything that we’ve been through MIL said that she understands and assured us that she supports our decision. FIL also said some words of encouragement.”
Just as the OP was feeling a little bit of peace about her situation, her sister-in-law, who has three children and is currently pregnant with her fourth child, decided to get a snarky and demeaning jab in: “I was relieved that everyone seems to be supportive, when my SIL said something along the lines of ‘I’m glad you guys finally made that decision. God chooses only those who are up to the challenge to become parents you know.’ There was an awkward silence then she continued ‘you should not adopt either.’”
A wildly awkward silence ensued, and OP snapped. She noted that, “Her partner works part-time at a local supermarket while SIL stays home with the kids. So yes, they’re not in a good financial situation and have to rely on benefits to get by.” With that ammo, she retaliated.
“I answered SIL with ‘yeah, I’m sure God chooses only the right people to become parents. I wonder what the qualifications are though because clearly financial stability isn’t one of them.’ Another awkward silence before FIL changed the topic.”
After the exchange, OP got a message from her sister-in-law calling her an a**h*** “for looking down on them because they are ‘poor.’ I did not reply but I feel like an AH because of what I said,” she concluded. Woof.
Many Redditors firmly believed that the OP was not in the wrong here, and even understood why she threw some shade right back. “She served the crap, you just shoveled it back into her mouth!” said one. “Justified AH behavior, and well done for clapping back. Infertility is a very real and hard struggle and SIL’s comments were sick and insensitive. I am glad your in-laws are so supportive,” added another.
Others noted that this is the harshest thing they’ve seen in the subreddit. “I read a lot of posts here, and this is one of the very few that made my jaw drop from what SIL said. Truly cruel words for the only purpose of hurting OP,” wrote one.
As for the snarky SIL’s apparent belief that she’s a mouthpiece for the divine, people had a field day. “It’s almost always the ‘religious’ types that are the worst kinds of people. Judgmental and feeling that they are always in the right because that is what ‘God’ wants them to do,” wrote one.
“She told you that you were lesser in the eyes of God, wider society and the family hierarchy for being infertile. By doing it on your birthday she also got a dig in about older women and some ageist stuff about older fathers. Then she insulted children who in the adoption system as lesser, told you that you still aren’t worth ‘lesser’ children and absolutely made everyone in the room utterly mortified to be caught up in her opinion bombing,” summarized another commenter.
Fertility struggles are just that: a struggle. And telling someone that it must be “God’s intention” to keep another person from getting pregnant is the opposite of the whole “treat others as you would like to be treated” platitude preached.
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